Navigating holiday cheer can be hard when you’re queer

Visiting family over the holidays isn’t a happy occasion for everyone. For LGBTQ+ people, who already experience mental health issues like depression, seasonal affective disorder and anxiety at 2-4 times the rate that heterosexual and cisgender people do, visiting with less than supportive family members this time of year can be really hard.

While many LGBTQ+ people have families that support them for who they are, others have family relationships that have been affected by homophobia and transphobia. Some of these people choose not to see family over the holidays, some choose to visit but have to prepare themselves for judgement or mistreatment, and for some seeing blood family isn’t even an option.

If you’re an LGBTQ+ person struggling with your mental health or just feeling lonely or down this time of year, we want you to know that you’re not alone, we care about you, and we support you unconditionally.

Whether you’re visiting family or staying put this year, we want you to take care of yourself. Here are a few tips that might be helpful for whatever you do.

If you’re visiting family — set boundaries and have a plan in place

If you’re an LGBTQ+ person who’s visiting family over the holidays and feeling nervous, it can help to know what your boundaries are and how you might want to protect them before you visit.

• Think about what situations and topics of conversation you don’t want to be around, and make a plan for safely leaving those situations or doing something to change them
• If you have a family member you can rely on for support, talk through your plan with them before your visit
• Have a self care plan for if you end up having a hard time while visiting family. Ask a friend to leave their phone ringer on, have some breathing exercises prepared, bring your headphones and favorite playlist, make an escape plan – whatever works for you

If you’re staying put — celebrate with chosen family or new friends

Many queer people choose to share life celebrations like holidays with their chosen families instead of blood relatives. Whatever your chosen family looks like, we’re happy you get to celebrate together.

If your chosen family is out of town and you still want to celebrate with other queer folks, there are events at the Pride Center and at MOCHA around the holidays made for and by LGBTQ+ people. You are welcome to join us for some holiday gayety.

• December 20: hot cocoa social at MOCHA (a program by and for LGBTQ+ people of color)
• December 20: Out for the Holidays at the Pride Center
• December 21: youth cookie decorating at the Pride Center
• December 27: all-ages screening of an episode of POSE at the Pride Center
• December 27: C U Next Tuesday at MOCHA
• December 28: youth game night at the Pride Center

See the MOCHA calendar and the Pride Center calendar for more details.

Either way — take care of yourself

Whether you visit family or stay where you are for the holidays, it’s a good time to give yourself some extra love and care.

• Find some peace with mindful activities like meditation or yoga.
• Keep an eye on any coping mechanisms that might be harmful for your body or mental health, like overindulging in alcohol or increasing your drug use
• Talk to your care coordinator about your health care plan. Care coordinators can help you reach your health and wellness goals by helping you schedule and keep appointments, and making sure all your providers are on the same page with your care
• Get in touch with your creativity at the THRIVE Wellness Center. We’re currently offering art therapy, guided imagery, crochet, reiki meditation, chair massage and more to Evergreen patients. Ask your primary or specialty care doctor for a referral if these programs would benefit your health.

If you or someone you know needs immediate help or support, The Trevor Project’s trained crisis counselors are available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386, via chat at TheTrevorProject.org/Get-Help, or by texting START to 678678.